


I Wanna Dream (Leave Me to Dream)

by Lilsciencequeen



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood, F/M, Flashbacks, Friendship, Headaches & Migraines, Hydra (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Torture, Nosebleed, Not Really Character Death, Pre-Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Pre-Canon, Presumed Dead, SHIELD, Superpowers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-09 08:05:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5531963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilsciencequeen/pseuds/Lilsciencequeen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma Simmons had an unusual childhood to say the least, and it didn't change when she joined S.H.I.E.L.D... in fact it only got worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This has been an idea that has been floating around in my head since the early days of season one, I won't say anything as that would spoil it but lets just say I think you might enjoy this. Trigger warning for therapy discussions.

When Jemma Simmons was seven, she learnt that she had visions of the future, a gift that she received somewhere close to Christmas. However, this was not a gift that she had asked for, nor that she wanted. Which is somewhat ironic, as a number of children at that age desire 'superpowers'.

But what a lot of those children don't know is that those gifts come with a price that is not so desirable. For Jemma Simmons, those unwanted side-effects were migraines and nose bleeds.

She still remembered that first vision that she had, or at least the aftermath of it; lying curled up in the snow, screaming and blood staining the snow that had only fallen the night before, the lights and the sirens that filled the air, her mother shouting to her, trying to help her. 

Sighing, she curled her legs up further underneath her, and rested her head against the window of their family car, returning home from their annual family holiday to Scotland.

And that's when she felt it. The familiar tugging in the gut that always came before a vision. But this time the vision didn't come but she still shouted out for her dad to stop the car.

Her father pulled the car over to the side of the narrow country lane that they were travelling down, and Jemma stumbled out of the car, the pebbles beneath her feet feeling the first real thing she had ever felt since that day six years ago.

"Jemma?" her mother asked anxiously, watching her daughter stumble to a gate, which opened into to a cottage. "Jemma, sweetie. that's someone's house, you can't just walk in."

Jemma shook her head, her brown hair flying every where with the movement, and the odd strand catching the late summer breeze. "I just want to look."

Her father joined her mother on the far side of the road, keeping their distance. They knew their daughter suffered migraines and nosebleeds randomly, and blamed it on seeing the future. But they weren't too sure about the last part, there was no such think as superpowers, and no professional had yet to figure out what had caused her to feel like this. They just helped their daughter the best that they could. But all professionals believed it had something to do with seeing her baby sitter die at such a young age. 

Leaning over the gate, Jemma couldn't help but let a massive smile sweep across her face. It felt real, it felt happy. That house, that cottage in Perthshire. She felt a hand on her shoulder, making her turn round to face them. It took her a moment to comprehend her father knelt down in front of her, wiping the blood of her face. "Jemma. What's wrong? What's the matter?"

She just continued to smile, and then started to laugh. "It feels real."

***

The next time that she had that feeling in her gut that didn't lead to a vision was three years later, just before her seventeenth birthday, when she joined the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy and her eyes fell upon Leopold Fitz. For the first three weeks, she followed him around, enjoying the aura that he gave off, that aura that made everything feel real around her.

And he hated her for it, he just had to. Who would like that annoying British girl that followed them everywhere like some love struck puppy?

It wasn't until their third week that they were paired in Chem Lab that they finally spoke, and they instantly clicked. They were two of the youngest cadets, and two of the most intelligent, it made perfect sense that they clicked.

And together, they worked even better than they did alone, each understanding the other effortlessly. Jemma Simmons had found her first true friend, and without knowing, she had allowed Fitz to find his friend as well.

And so they continued like that for a number of months, sharing everything except... Except her secret. No one at S.H.I.E.L.D. even knew of her gifts, or her curse, she didn't know how to tell them. She didn't want to tell them. How could she? They placed every one who was different on an index, the Index, and Jemma wasn't sure that she wanted that. She had been treated differently because of this her whole life, and this had been her fresh start. She didn't want to mess that up so she simply passed them off as server migraines and nosebleeds that occurred as a result and there were no questions asked.

Until one day Fitz came into her room to work on their next Bio-Chem project and found her curled up on her bed, in complete darkness, blood staining both the lower half of her face and the pillow. He reached for the light switch, but her voice came, soft and quiet, "No."

He dropped his hand back to his side, and also the folder that he was holding, and came to the bed next to her. He knew that she suffered migraines, but he had never seen her in one before, she had somehow managed to avoid that.

"Simmons?" he asked, keeping his voice low so as not to cause her any more pain. "Do you need everything? Do you want me to get someone?"

 Just as he asked that question, two voices in her head started to argue, only adding to the thunderstorm that was currently raging on in her head. Part of her wanted to tell him, he had trusted her with everything about him but the other part of her said that that idea was stupid, that he would tell Weaver, and that she would be taken away, and have tests preformed on her.

"What if I told you I was different," she whispered to him, deciding that she could trust him. That this might be her downfall, but she would fall for Fitz any day.

Fitz must have raised an eyebrow, and have a confused look sweeping across his face. She couldn't really see. "Jemma?" he asked, using her first name, a rare occurrence. "Are you okay?"

"No." She heard an intake of breath, and wondered what he was possibly preparing himself for. "No I'm not."

"Jemma, whatever it is you can tell me, you can trust me."

She nodded, closing her eyes, hoping that would destroy some of the pain in her mind. It didn't. "I... I... What if I told you I could see the future... Not fully but I had visions of it?"

There was no laughter, only silence. Jemma wasn't sure if this was better or not. She decided that it was better, that he wasn't going to mock her. That he was actually going to _listen_ to her, unlike so many people that had come before. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

And she did, including the cottage in Perthshire that felt so real in a world so false. The only thing that she left out was how he made her feel real. She didn't know how to explain that to him.

***

For the next three years, Fitz and Simmons became known as FitzSimmons, two entities who needed each other to work properly. And they were inseparable, joined at the waist. 

But one day, walking across the courtyard, Jemma saw someone, a man whose name she didn't know, and a vision hit. The vision of S.H.I.E.L.D. falling, being destroyed, being destroyed by...

"HYDRA," she whispered, turning to face Fitz who could only watch in horror as Jemma turned to face him, blood streaming down her face, dripping of her chin and bouncing of the cobblestones. "We need to tell Weaver. We need to stop this." All fear of tests and the Index had instantly faded from Jemma. Who cares what would happen to her? If she could stop S.H.I.E.L.D. falling to that man, falling to HYDRA, then she would make the sacrifice for the greater good. 

"Jemma," Fitz said, looking her deep in the eyes. "A vision might not happen, we need to consider this. It might not happen."

She shook her head, tears now streaming down her face and mixing with the blood. "They've never been wrong Fitz," she begged. "We could save countless lives. Please!"

He nodded, reluctantly. She knew that he was worried for her, about her. About the power that she possessed that she tried so hard to keep hidden. 

***

Anne Weaver did not expect to see a bloodied Simmons come bursting into her office on a Saturday afternoon. The Fitz in tow wasn't so much of a surprise.

"Agent Simmons," she demanded, fully intent on finding out the reason that Jemma had come into her office without knocking, something that Jemma would probably apologise for profusely for in the near future, but also concerned at why a bloodied Simmons had come bursting into her office.

And in one breath Jemma explained everything that she needed to. About her visions, about S.H.I.E.L.D falling to HYDRA.

"Agent Simmons," Weaver began as soon as Jemma was finished, "This is a serious accusation that you are making, and a serious matter that you've brought up. How can we be sure that you do possess these gifts and that what you saw, if you did see something, how it would come about."

Jemma closed her eyes for a moment, taking a breath. Weaver could see pain etched across her face, and more blood trickling down her face. Weaver was about to interrupt, to tell her to stop as she was about to hurt herself when Jemma finally spoke. "In one minute, a football, an American one, will come flying through the first window to the left of your desk, kicked by Cadet Williams."

Weaver didn't even have time to raise an eyebrow, let alone ask Jemma a question about her powers when all of a sudden there was a shattering of glass.

The young Brit had indeed been right, the window to the left had been shattered by a football of the American variety, with Cadet Williams standing there, fear spread across his face and an apology on his lips.

"Accidents happen," Weaver said, looking out the shattered glass, more concerned now about the possibility of a HYDRA reappearance. Weaver knew that she should probably ask for more proof, that this wasn't just fate or a one off, but this was S.H.I.E.L.D. and she had spent enough time working there to take an issue as such seriously.

She nodded at Jemma, and then at Fitz, who just stood awkwardly in the corner. Judging by the look on his face, he probably knew of her powers, but she didn't press the issue on him. People with powers had a tendency to keep them to themselves for a reason.

***

The next week Jemma spent cut off from the rest of the recruits that she worked with usually. That she didn't mind so much, but what she really cared about was the face that she was cut off from Fitz, unable to speak to him. Most of the days that were spent at that S.H.I.E.L.D. facility were spent trying to figure out the cause of her powers and how they worked.

And it was hell. She spent most of the time trying to stop nosebleeds, and battling migraines at night but the end of the first week did have its rewards. She was allowed to see Fitz again.

When he walked into the lounge area, she was up of her seat, and had her arms around his neck, burying her face in his chest and complaining about just how much she missed him.

In the end, he had to pull her off him, and lead her back to the sofa. She couldn't help the tears that escaped her eyes as she watched him make a simple cup of tea, couldn't help the tug in her gut that made everything feel so real when he was around. A week without that sensation was one week that was too long.

"So how's my little superhero?" he asked, as he present her with a mug of tea. Made perfectly, like always.

She shook her head in dismay, loose strands of hair escaping from her messy bun. "I'm not a superhero," she commented, allowing the mug to warm both her hands, and shrugging, with the intention on getting her sleeve back up her shoulder. It failed ultimately.

"Sure you are," he objected. "You've a power, you can use it for good..." A pause, and then with a really bad sinister voice, "Or for evil." Laughter came from her and he gave her a warm smile. "You used it for good, you warned Weaver about a possible HYDRA reappearance."

"So what I'm a hero now? Are you trying to imply something Leopold Fitz? As there is no way in hell that I am wearing skin tight Lycra!"

Fitz mocked horror. "I am not implying anything Jemma Simmons!" He really wished that she had a middle name that was embarrassing, so he could use it against her in situations like this, but alas she didn't. "What I'm trying to say," he said, leaning forward. "Is that you need a superhero name."

She snorted. "What like The Clairvoyant?" 


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hopefully the first chapter doesn't have to many errors and hopefully neither shall this one, but if you see any point them out, I don't usually notice them when I'm tired like this. So here's the first chapter, taking place five years after the first one. I hope I've did the years right, with the last chapter ending on the 23rd of September, 2008. I probably got them wrong... Anyway thanks for the support and hope you enjoy this one just as much.

Jemma Simmons was five years dead that day. Fitz sighed as he walked on to the Bus and making his way to his new bunk, thinking back to when he heard the news. He still couldn't believe it. S.H.I.E.L.D. had told him that were she was was safe, that nothing could happen to her then. But there had been a gas leak, and no one had noticed it until it was too late. Only one person had made it out of there alive, a senior agent by the name of John Garrett. Fitz personally couldn't care less about him. Out of the twenty people that were killed, Jemma Simmons was among them. She was only twenty. Fire had ripped through the building, and destroyed everything, including his world.

There was a hand on his shoulder, a hand that felt familiar but when he turned round to face who ever had their hand on his shoulder, the face wasn't recognisable. "Hi," she said, holding her hand out to introduce herself. "Skye."

Fitz stared at her for a moment, taking in this new face before accepting her hand. "Fitz."

But before Skye could ask the next question, which would very probably be how are you, or judging by the way that his face probably looked, the dreaded is everything OK question, a voice rang out. Coulson. Probably giving her a tour. "I'll see you later them," she said instead, before turning away and walking off down the corridor.

Fitz let his bag fall with a thud into his bunk, taking in the small, cramped space. Jemma would have loved this, being able to travel to world, seeing new sights and meeting different people. That was part of the reason that he took up the offer to work with Coulson's new team. To help fulfil one of the wishes that she could never do.

Footsteps echoed behind him, entering his room. "Fitz."

Bobbi's voice. Coulson had hired her to help work in the lab. Most people just knew Barbara Morse as the field agent, but what most people didn't know was that she also had a PhD in biochemistry, and was proficient in anything medical. "I see you just met Skye."

Fitz gave a shrug, really not wanting to talk to anyone. But Garner had told him earlier that morning that talking to people, about other things would help him to cope with today, to make one of the hardest days of the year to go by easier. "Just in the passing, then Coulson wanted her."

"Yeah," Bobbi said, sliding past him into the room. Fitz could tell that she was sidestepping the subject, of them working in the lab together for however long this team lasted. Bobbi was smart, she probably knew that she wouldn't be able to replace Jemma. "Listen Fitz, I know you're probably upset, annoyed, angry even that you're working with me. That we're working in the lab together. I know it was your thing with Simmons and I don't want to try and replace her. Hell, that's the last thing I wanna do. I've only heard the stories about you two, but what I'm really trying to say is that if you're not comfortable with something, let me know, and I'll stop change whatever. Just know that we're here for you, OK?"

Fitz started at her for a moment, taking in what she had just said. She wasn't sidestepping around the subject, like everyone else did, like he did. She said it straight, and told him what she thought. And he respected her for that. She wasn't treating him differently because of what had happened. She wasn't treating him like he was glass, and that he would break if he wasn't handled carefully. Bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck, he shook his head, not to disagree with her, but in awe of what she said. "Thank you."

Bobbi shrugged as if it were no big deal, as if she dealt with stuff like this on a regular basis but considering she worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. that was more than likely. Drawing her legs up to her chest, Bobbi then ploughed into her next question. "So Skye? What do you think?"

Fitz shrugged weakly, "Don't know. She just introduced herself, that's all. I've never even seen her about before, did Coulson recruit her last minute?"

Bobbi thought about this for a second. "In a sense, yes."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"She's a hacker, working for that Rising Tide, but she hacked into S.H.I.E.L.D. and Coulson offered her a job, working for us. Saying that she could save people and change the world in a way that was legal."

"Oh," was all that Fitz could say. That's why he hand't seen her the previous week when Coulson gave him, Bobbi and Ward a tour of the Bus. The Bus that he had helped to design what felt like ages ago now. With the lab designed to fit Jemma's specifications.

"Yeah, she seems nice, I'm a tad weary of her though." 

Fitz nodded, and Bobbi stretched, standing up and squeezing past him again to stand in the door way. "Just know there's people here who care. People here to talk to."

Fitz nodded, and Bobbi returned a sad smile before walking off, probably to find May.

Fitz walked further into his bunk, letting the door close behind him before crouching down and opening his bag. He knew that he better start unpacking, if he didn't do it now, he might never do it.

Sighing, he opened one of his drawers, and started to throw everything into it, not really caring what went in there. He would find everything eventually. When that drawer was full, he moved on the second, and then the third, still not paying much attention as to what went where. The only item he paused on was the black S.H.I.E.L.D. hoodie, with the name Simmons across the back. It was one of the few possessions of hers that he owned. Everything else had been sent back to her parents, where it rightly belonged, but he was allowed to keep the hoodie, and a few of her other possessions.

He couldn't help the tear that escaped his eye when he folded it up, and placed it in the drawer. It no longer had her scent, that had long but faded. And he never wore it for it didn't fit.

Sorting out his clothes only took him twelve minutes in the end. Beneath his clothes in the bag was a folder full of pictures. Pictures of him and Jemma. Those pictures had once adorned his walls in his apartment, but he had taken them down, bringing them with him. If she couldn't travel the world, the least he could do was allow her memory to travel the world.

The Blu Tac was still on the back, so it didn't take him long to place them all up on his walls, memories of happier times. Times when everything was... When everything seemed easy and as if they had their whole lives in front of them and they could do anything with them.

When he had finished, he collapsed down on his bed, and placed the bottle of pills on his bedside table. The pills that had been prescribed by Garner to him, to help his unsettled nights. Ever since the news came through, he hadn't had a decent nights sleep. All he could dream about was her last moments, how painful, how horrific they must have been for her. That had plagued his dreams for many months but then came the dreams of her and him, of the future that they could have had together. Of a life that they could have lived, a live that could have been loved.

And that's when Andrew had found out about the dreams that he was having of her and had prescribed him those tablets. Saying that they would help to chase those dreams from his head, allowing him to sleep and more importantly move on. That's what everyone had told him. To move on and accept her death.

But he couldn't. He never could.

Not because she was taken from this world so young.

But because of the circumstances of her death. He had seen her only the day before, and the building had seemed fine. It didn't even seem to run on gas, but no one had listened to him. Everyone was just so horrified at the events, and impressed by John's survival. How was it that he could survive? That one agent in a building that was levelled by flames.

So for a while, he stopped taking the medication, preferring to live in the dream world with Jemma than the real one. It got so bad at one point that Fitz was hospitalised, and Andrew gave him stronger medication. Eventually they were able to go back to the original ones and he had no choice but to take them, losing Jemma Simmons more and more every day.

Deciding that he wasn't going to get anything else done, and that he needed to eat (upsetting Bobbi who already seemed to care so much about his well being, despite hardly knowing him, was not something that he wanted to do) got up out of his bed, and made his way to the kitchen, intent on making a sandwich.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JEMMA IS NOT DEAD! I'm saying that now. She is believed to be dead, but actually isn't. Please don't get angry, all will work out soon. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for reading. Marvel owns all.


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter of this. Thanks for the support for the first parts, I hope you enjoy this part as much as you enjoyed the others.

Skye must have been informed of his situation, the way she avoided the subject of Jemma. Bobbi must have told her. or may be Coulson. Fitz wasn't too sure. But she was friendly enough, which he supposed was the main thing. And Bobbi was helpful in the lab. She respected his space, and didn't try to act differently in there. Didn't try to act like Jemma, replace her. And for that, he couldn't be more thankful.

It was a week into their time on the Bus that Coulson said that a couple of other agents would be joining them. There had been intel, that Skye had actually helped to get, that there was an organisation stealing secrets from the US Government, and were selling it to other nations for a profit.

"They're dangerous," Coulson informed. "Highly trained. We think they are ex-military, or secret service, so we are bringing another two specialists on board. Agent Antoine Triplett and Agent John Garrett."

The last two words that Coulson said turned Fitz's blood to ice, and what ever was said next was lost to him. He excused himself from the briefing before stumbling out of the room. Someone was following him, calling out his name.

"Fitz," there was a hand on his wrist. "Listen, please."

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut as tears stung them. He turned around to face Bobbi, letting the tears flow freely.

"I know Antoine," Bobbi said. "He's a good man."

Fitz shook his head. "It's not Trip. I've worked with him before. It's John..."

Fitz didn't need to finish. Bobbi knew what he was going to say. "He was the only one to survive," Bobbi said slowly and Fitz nodded.

"I know I shouldn't be angry, that it couldn't be helped but..."

"You're allowed to be angry, you were promised that she was safe, and working with him is going to be hard, I'm not going to even begin to deny that. I've worked with people who were the only ones to survive when I've lost people that I cared for, that I love. But I've some advice for this Fitz, advice that you're not going to like. I know this is hard. That you're still grieving. But you can't let this take you over. Maybe its time to let her go. She would want that. But if you don't want to do that, at least don't blame John."

Fitz nodded, still trying to process what Bobbi was saying. She wanted him to let Jemma go. But it couldn't. She couldn't be dead. He didn't want to believe it. Everything was so suspicious about her death but he had just been accused of being in denial. People had accepted it for a week or so after, but as time continued to pass, they seemed more annoyed at him than anything, about how he kept going on that she were alive.

Bobbi gave him a weak smile and posed a question that snapped him out of his thoughts. "Do you want to go back to the briefing or shall I tell Coulson?"

Fitz shook his head. "No, I'll just... I just wanna go back to my bunk."

With that, he turned and walked off. Bobbi watched him go, a heavy sadness settling inside of her.

***

A knock on his bunk door caused him to close his laptop and open his door, wondering who could possible be there. It was Skye, two mugs of hot chocolate. She gave a somewhat pathetic shrug. "People say its good. Though you might want a mug."

Fitz nodded, accepting it with a word of thanks. Skye turned to leave but he called out after her. "Do you... do you wanna come in?"

She turned back to face him. "Are you ok with that?"

"Yeah, I just..." he didn't know how to continue his sentence, so Fitz just entered his bunk, and Skye followed, leaving the door ajar.

"Is that her?" she asked, looking at all the pictures.

"Jemma? Yeah that's her."

Fitz watched her take in all the pictures.

"I'm so sorry," she eventually offered.

"Thanks," Fitz said, taking a sip of his hot chocolate and sitting back down on the bed. It was good. "Five years, it's just so weird."

Skye nodded, as if in understanding. She swallowed hard, before saying what must have been the real reason that she came here. "Bobbi says you don't... that you don't think she's dead."

A nod, before Skye continued. "I hacked S.H.I.E.L.D. for information about my parents, all files from adoption agencies had been redacted by S.H.I.E.L.D. Coulson's applied higher up for access to them but..."

Fitz raised an eyebrow, wondering what she could possibly be on about.

"I can get information, gas explosion was it."

"But the building had no gas pipes I could see. It wasn't... It didn't use gas."

"So, either S.H.I.E.L.D. made a mistake, or she was.... or something happened to her."

"She was the only powered person there. She had warned about HYDRA reappearance. She had visions," Fitz said, trying to process the many thoughts that were currently racing through his mind.

But they were interrupted by footsteps outside his door. Looking at the people to whom they belonged, Fitz felt his whole world suddenly tilt a good umber of degrees to the side.

One of the men, the one who was John Garrett was the man who Jemma had had the HYDRA vision about.

The only man who had survived the explosion that had killed Jemma would be responsible for S.H.I.E.L.D.s downfall.

And Jemma had predicted this.

Then she had died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may wonder why Fitz didn't recognise John as the man that Jemma previously saw, well it's to do with him being so consumed by grief that he didn't recognise him at first and then he avoided looking him up, not wanting to see the man who had survived instead of Jemma. So things are stating to appear, and will come together soon. May not be until January the 23rd this gets an update, as I've a party to plan next week, and exams after that. I hope you enjoyed this and much love for all the support. Marvel owns all.


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I am an awful person I have not updated this in weeks and for that I am so very very sorry. Life has been very crazy and I lost my muse for this. Again I apologise. But here is the next chapter and I hope that you enjoy this as plot happens.

It was him. He was the only one to have survived when Jemma had died. They were the only thoughts that had filled his mind as he paced his room later that day once Trip and Garrett had settled into the Bus. And he was HYDRA. There had to be a connection between that, somewhere. There _had_ to be. It was just too… just too… there was just something wrong, something conspicuous about that he had survived, he was the only one to have survived when no one else had and the fact that Jemma had said he was HYDRA…

And what Bobbi had said, about Trip being a good guy… Did she know something that he didn’t? Was there something that she knew that he didn’t? Was she keeping something from him? Was S.H.I.E.L.D. keeping something from him?

He opened his door, intent on making his way to the lab, hoping that Bobbi was there. If she wasn’t there, she would probably be training with May… And if she wasn’t there… He shook that thought from his head. It was still early evening so she had probably not turned in for the night yet.

As he spiralled down the staircase, his hand trailing on the railing behind him, he found Bobbi in the lab with Skye, both with a mug in each hand. They were laughing, smiles gracing their faces. Fitz watched them through the glass from a number of moments, steadying himself before taking a deep breath and allowing the doors to slide open and admit him in.

“Fitz,” Skye said, turning to face him. “How are you? Are you okay?” She must have sensed an uneasiness radiating of him but Fitz, as rude as it seemed (he would apologise late. He needed to talk to her later also), turned to face Bobbi, ignoring her.

“We need to talk.”

At this demand, Bobbi gave him a perplexed look, wondering why he was demanding this. And there was also pity in her eyes. He felt a burning hated flare up inside him, he hated that look of pity, and it made him feel small, weak. He had had that long far too often in his life and he knew what it would lead to, what it always lead to. The fire threatened to consume him, and he tried to quickly extinguish it before it threatened to destroy him. “Alone.”

Bobbi and Skye exchanged a look, one that he couldn’t read. People, he found, where always hard to read. Jemma was the only person that he could read, who he could understand what she was thinking. It had gotten to the point where people said that they were so in sync that they shared a psychic bond, the same wave length. They had always laughed at this, dismissed it, but deep down Fitz always believed that there was something more to their connection, something that he could never pinpoint exactly but something to do with Jemma’s powers.

Skye slid of her seat, making her way past Fitz and whispered into his ear “Meet me in my bunk after,” and Fitz nodded, hoping that Skye had gotten something for him, she had said that she would try and get him information. Whether this was to get him the closure that everyone so desired him to get, or if she was wanted to find out if there was something that S.H.I.E.L.D was hiding, he wasn’t yet sure.

When he was finally alone with Bobbi, he finally asked what had been on his mind, what had been plaguing him. “Why did you think it was Trip I had the issue with? You knew it was Garrett who had survived when she hadn’t?”

Bobbi cursed silently. It was obvious that she had been expecting this conversation, and by the way that her answer sounded, she had also be preparing her answer.

“You didn’t know that it was Trip who did the medical? He was there a couple of days before the explosion. Hell, he was supposed to be there that day as well but he was running late…”

“What?” Fitz asked, interrupting this. Trip hadn’t told him this when they had worked together. He had kept this secret when they had worked together. And now he was with Garrett. Was he HYDRA? Had they planned this? Had Garrett told Trip to miss work that day, so that he would avoid the explosion? So that he would also survive? Had Jemma found out more about HYDRA? Had she known more than she was letting on? Had Garrett set this up so that HYDRA could use her for his own gain?

So many questions were flowing through his mind and he couldn’t find an order to them but it was Bobbi who brought him back to earth, who helped to settle that chaotic space that was his mind.

“You didn’t know?” she asked, her voice curious. Trip had kept this hidden from him, and by the sound of her voice, it was evident that she didn’t know this either.

Fitz shook his head. “He never told me.”

“He must have had a good reason.”

Fitz shook his head, then rubbed his face with his hands. There was more to this, much more, than he had originally thought. He had to get to the bottom of this. Find out what had really happened to Jemma. “Garrett.”

“Are you really insinuating that he’s HYDRA, Fitz? Andrew told you that he wasn’t. The vison was a mistake, Jemma made mistake. She didn’t have control, why do you think that she had the nosebleeds, the migraines. She made a mistake. Garrett is loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. He always has been and he always will be.”

Fitz gave a snort, shaking his head as he did so. “You’re wrong. Jemma never made a mistake. Everything she saw, it always came true.”

“Fitz.” The tone that Bobbi used now was stern, serious, and evident that she was not playing around. “You have to let her go. This is serious now. You’re making accusations. This isn’t healthy. You need to let her go, her parents have. Everyone else has. Yes, it’s awful that she’s dead, I am in no way denying that but you have to let go. Jemma would want you to.”

Fitz couldn’t take his anymore, he stormed out of the lab, hoping that Skye had come through with something.

***

As it turns out, Skye _had_ come through with something. In her bunk, she had handed him a pile of files, about the building, about Jemma, about the explosion. Everything related to that day, to her.

“From level 1, to the extremely classified that only the likes of Fury have access,” she had said handing them to him. He had accepted them with thanks. He had had access to some of these files, the ones that S.H.I.E.L.D. had deemed approipte for him to read.

He hadn’t, of course. He didn’t want to read what had happened to her, didn’t want to believe it. And he didn’t want to read about Garrett, so all the files that he had had access to where lying in a filing cabinet in some classified location.

“Sorry,” he said. “For the lab,” he explained upon seeing Skye’s confused expression. She waved it off, telling him that it didn’t matter.

“Do you want to go over them together or alone?” she asked of the files in his hands. He looked down and as much as he wanted to do this alone, as much as he wanted to be the one that found Jemma, he knew that he would need help. That he couldn’t do this alone.

But he could do it alone, just for this night. “Alone,” he said, and Skye nodded at him, understanding what his meant to him, even if she didn’t know just how much that it had meant to him.

As he opened the door to leave, she called out to him, and in turned in the door way, facing her.

“If it means anything, I don’t think she’s dead.”

He gave a nod of thanks and returned to his bunk.

***

Combing through the files exhausted him, and he felt his body giving into sleep. His last thought before sleep finally overtook him was that Andrew was going to be annoyed that he hadn’t taken his tablets.

Once the darkness had cleared and his eyes had opened again, he found himself not in his bunk, but somewhere else. Somewhere new. Somewhere he couldn’t pinpoint or put his finger on,

Turning on the spot, he saw that metal pipes ran along the walls, saw that there were heavily armed guards walking towards him and saw that there was nowhere to hide.

Fear quickly took over. These guards were coming towards him and he had nowhere to hide, nothing to defend himself with but they didn’t seem to notice him.

In fact, one of them walked through him, as though he were a ghost. That man shivered, and the one beside him asked, “You okay Watson?”

Watson shook himself, casting a glance over his shoulder at where Fitz was standing before saying, “It felt as though someone walked over my grave.”

The other man just laughed, “Let’s clock out. The works done and it still doesn’t seem as though she wants to say anything.

Watson nodded in agreement before saying something that was lost to Fitz. He was running of down the way that he had come, turning the corner before coming face to face with a cell and in that cell…

“Jemma,” he breathed, blinking a number of times, trying to comprehend what was in front of him.

Her hands were wrapped around the bars, and she was smiling at him, but the smile did not reach her eyes. There was so much pain in her eyes. Pain and fear. A trickle of blood ran down a gash on her cheek. “Fitz,” she whispered back.

“Is this real?” he asked, scared of the answer. He so desperately wanted this to be real, for her to be alive, but not like this, not in pain.

“In a sense,” she replied, and took a breath, one that shuddered and sounded painful before continuing. “You’re here inside of a dream, it’s confusing and makes little sense. But I’m here, and I am alive,” she told him, reassured him, watching the tears stream down his face.  She reached through the bars, trying to caress his cheek but her hand just went through him as though he were nothing but smoke. “I’ve been reaching out to you for so many years. Trying to make everything okay, trying to show you happiness in this never ending darkness….”

“The dreams,” he interrupted. “They were you.”

She nodded. “I could reach out, connect with your mind. But its only you I can do this to.”

He laughed, wiping away the tears himself. “They always said we had a psychic connection.”

“They did,” she replied, allowing herself to be lost in those eyes but she snapped herself back, steading herself for what she had summoned him here for. “You have to stop this Fitz,” she said, a single tears gliding down her cheek, turning red as it mixed with the blood. “You’re going to injure yourself and this is far too big for you, for us, for all of us. We have gotten ourselves into something so big and so dangerous that I don’t think that we can stop this.”

“No.”

“Please Fitz,” she begged. The last thing that she wanted was for him to hurt himself, not now. Not for her. “Please. Promise me.”

He shook his head, instead saying, “We’re going to do this like we always did things…” He trailed off, allowing her to finish, realising just how much he missed her finishing his sentences.

“Together.” Her eyes moved from him as she heard footsteps echoing down the corridor. Full-fledged terror spread across her face and it was his voice calling her name that brought her back. “Jemma, what is what’s wrong?”

She shook herself and attempted to settle her breathing. “They’re coming back. They weren’t supposed to. Not now.”

Fitz had no words to this. There was nothing that he could do to protect, to save her. The world around him started to fade. “Don’t, please Jems, don’t do. Let me…”

She shook her head. “No. You are not witnessing this. You can’t.”

“Why?” he asked, trying to keep his attention on her but it was getting harder and harder.

“I love you,” she said, her brown eyes turning soft and full of longing.

“I know,” he whispered.

“Oh Fitz,” she whispered, sounding distant as though she were underwater, rolling her eyes as she did so. Fitz thought that he would never get to see this again. He was so lost in her that he didn’t noticed her disappear from view.

***

Fitz awoke in his own bed, drenched in sweat, shaking and also feeling renewed. Jemma Simmons _was_ alive. He had been right all along. Blinking, he took in his surroundings. He was awake, back in his bunk on the Bus.

He now just had to find her, save her.

And he knew just where to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So he's found Jemma... And Skye agrees with him... And Trip was supposed to be there.... Dun dun dun... I hope that you enjoyed this chapter of many questions and ellipses and I apologise again for the wait. Many thanks for all the support that this has received so far. You are the best.


	5. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more Jemma-centric, but we will be back with most of team!Bus soon. Thanks for all the continued support, I know there are a few people who are in love with this. I hope that you enjoy this!

“Five years,” the voice came from outside of her cell. “Five years and you’ve still to be actually useful to use.”

Jemma gave a sharp laugh. “I have been helpful. Who do you think told Malick about Budapest, helped him to actually plan that mission?”

“Ahh,” the voice said. She recognised it as Bakshi. “You did. But we could have did that ourselves. You forget just how powerful HYDRA are.”

“Forget? How could I forget? I _know_ how powerful you are. I bear the marks!”

Bakshi just motioned his head back at the armed guards behind him. “I have told you Miss Simmons…”

“Dr,” she interrupted Bakshi as the guards unlocked the cell door.

“Pardon.”

“It’s Dr Jemma Simmons. I did actually work for them.”

Bakshi just gave a wicked grin. “I have told you _Miss_ Simmons, that compliance will be rewarded.”

Jemma just rolled her eyes at this. Bakshi was still living in that delusion that HYDRA could brainwash her. They couldn’t. They would never be able to control someone like her.

It was in the past five years that Jemma had really learnt about her powers, and what they really were. Everyone here, herself included, had always thought that she had full access to the future. But she didn’t. She never did. All she could see where glimpses. And they only came whenever she saw someone for the first time.

That was why that first year at the Academy had been so hard. There were far too many people for her to cope with at one point.

Her parents must have noticed something wrong when she was younger. They had moved from the suburbs to the country when she was eight. Jemma was surprised that she hadn’t noticed it herself. She had spent nearly the entire year at home, locked in her room, unable to do anything without getting migraines. Her parents had to eventually pull her out of school, teaching her themselves. They were smart, loving people that she missed dearly every day, but she couldn’t go back. Not now.

Not after all she had done.

***

Sitting with a mug of tea, with Gideon Malick of the World Council was not how she had expected she would be spending today. But there she was. She hadn’t seen Malick in years (thankfully), and she was glaring at him, an eyebrow raised while she tried to figure out what it was he had planned.

She could know. If she tried hard enough, just like she did with Weaver what felt like a life time ago, she could know what was to come. But she rarely used it, as it caused her much more pain that normally seeing the future would.

“So, Jemma,” he said, breaking the silence that had started to fill the room. She squirmed as he said her name, it felt wrong to hear it. “How are you?”

She didn’t answer. She thought long and hard about what to say before she finally settled on. “You know the terms of my agreement.”

Malick sighed. He hadn’t yet had this arguement with Jemma, but he knew that Bakshi had the argument at least once a week with her. “Jemma,” he said again, noticing her visibly flinch before trying with Ms. Simmons.

Jemma fought the urge to make him refer to her by the proper title. She had tried for five years with Bakshi but still nothing had come of it. He still referred to her by Miss, to degrade her more than anything. And it made her sick.

“Ms. Simmons,” Malick began. “I have heard of these conditions.”

“Then do it.”

He shook his head. “You know I can’t.”

“Then no,” she crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair, bringing one leg up over the other. “Remove them then, as Bakshi puts it, I’ll be happy to comply. If you guarantee their safety, then you know I’ll help.” She felt sick saying it. She hated the idea of working for HYRDA, but if she could guarantee their safety, made sure that no one could hurt them… She would do whatever it would take. Even if it meant working for HYDRA.

“What has Mr. Bakshi told you?” Malick asked. He knew of her conditions but he didn’t know just how far that Bakshi had went with her.

“You don’t know?” The question seemed genuine coming from Jemma.

Malick shook his head. “Tell me.”

Jemma swallowed hard, knowing that she was possibly going too far with this, agreeing to work with HYDRA. But she had to protect her family, his family. Him. “He said that if I disobeyed, or failed to comply, whatever, they would die. Or he would torture them.”

Malick shook his head, taking a sip of his whiskey. “That’s not true, Ms. Simmons. You know that we would never hurt you. We promised you that. We promised that they would be safe.”

She gave a harsh laugh, standing up. “You never promised me that! You never promised me anything!” She had sent the chair flying behind her, leaning on the table with her hands. “You tell me one thing, then another. You know I could have escaped here by now! I could be safe!”  

Malick stood up, gesturing with his hand for the guards to restrain her. Bakshi had warned him of her violent mood swings. He had blamed it on the side effects of her treatment. He had warned him of how she could be somewhat pleasant for a number of moments but then when everything was not going in her direction, she turned violent.

Jemma tried to fight as the guards restrained her, pulling one arm harshly behind her back. There was the sound of something popping and a grimace of pain made its way across her face. “You liar! You lie and you kill and you tell others to do the same!”

The guards pulled tighter but she ignored her pain. It was nothing compared to what she had experienced before, yes it still hurt but there was not need to cry out. Not yet anyway.

“Take her to Bakshi,” Malick said, turning away. “He can do what he wants.”

***

As they marched her down the corridor some time later, Bakshi joined them, giving her a look of disapproval.

“I heard you weren’t nice to Mr Malick,” Bakshi scolded as though she were nothing more than a child. “He has saved you, you know that.”

“You really think that.” That remark earned her a slap around the face, but she didn’t regret it. “HYDRA imprisoned me, gave me to you.”

“S.H.I.E.L.D. would have locked up, you know that Miss Simmons. We’re trying to harness your gift, to ensure that it’s used for its true purpose.”

She kept silent, the hallway in front of her was flickering. There was someone new down there, someone she had never seen before. Her knees buckled beneath her, and her breaths became laboured. She was experiencing a pain unlike anything she had ever experienced.

The guards were cold, heartless, as the continued to drag her, her feet trying to no avail to keep up.

“Dr Whitehall,” Bakshi introduced, smiling down at Jemma. Her face was a bloodied mess, her eyes threatening to roll back in her head as the thunderstorm in her head continued to grow. “I presume you see what he has in store for you. You see, Malick was reluctant to let me bring him in on this. He didn’t want to break you, to damage you. He feared that we would lose your gift, a gift that has so far brought us so much…”

“Because you threatened them,” she whispered.

“Speak up,” Dr Whitehall snapped. He had heard so much about this girl.

“He threatened them. To hurt them. I only used it, I only looked into the future to save them. To keep them safe.”

Bakshi let out an irritated breath. “That’s why we’re doing this. You won’t give it to us, we’ll just have to take it from you.”

Jemma’s breath caught in her throat and it didn’t go unnoticed.

“You see,” Bakshi continued with a dramatic flair. They still made her ill after five years, treating her as if she were something less than human. “You have been acting out the past few months, the violent mood swings and what not, but Malick was reluctant to allow this. He wanted to see you but after your out lash today, we have no choice but to do this. You said you’d help if we kept them safe, if we leave them alone, but who is to say that you would actually help? You said you could escape, and we know that. If we moved our agents away from them, you would be able to escape, with little collateral damage. But they’re our insurance. And what would poor little Ms. Aileen think when her lovely neighbour has to leave her.” He then turned his attention to the older man, having said all that he deemed appropriate to Jemma. “When do you need her?”

“It won’t be long. I need to set up. You say that if she wants to, she can see the future?”

Bakshi nodded. “She does, sir. She chooses not to. Not to bring herself any unnecessary pain. She says that the pain is worse than the pain that she experiences upon seeing someone new,” he gestured to her, “is enough.”

Dr Whitehall nodded in understanding. “She won’t have to worry about that anymore. You can leave now Mr. Bakshi. I shall call when she’s required.”

“Sir,” Bakshi replied, nodding before motioning for the guards to follow him once again. There was something not dissimilar to happiness boiling inside of him. He would be glad to see the end of that girl. She had a feisty personality and she had managed to resist all attempts to make her comply. She had an ability that was much wanted by HYDRA, and that was not including her knowledge, her memory, and the fact that she was hyper-aware of her surroundings, which he would hazard a guess where linked to her powers. But she wouldn’t lend them to HYRDA.  

He hoped that Whitehall would provide answers some answers. He hoped that he would be able to provide that answer to the mystery that was Jemma Simmons.

She all but collapsed once she had been thrown back in the cell, a crumpled mess on the ground. As he walked off, not looking back, he heard her give a ragged sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, within this, I have kinda cleared everything up. With HYDRA, they didn't want to torture her to the extent that they lose her, and the powers, which have further been explained as last time I tried to write Jemma can see everything (Looking at you _How Can the Darkness Feel So Wrong (And I'm Alone Now)_ ) it got too complicated, too quickly, so boom. She only sees a snippet upon seeing someone new, and she can choose to see more, like she did in the prologue but its worse for her. I hope that has cleared everything up, if not feel free to shout at me in the comments.  
> I really hope that you enjoyed this chapter, and thanks for all of your continued support. It means the world to me.


	6. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So (hopefully) plot happens in this. I want to say a massive thank you again to everyone who has been commenting and leaving kudos on this, it means so much to me. I honestly can't thank you enough and I hope that you enjoy this chapter.   
> Also, feel free to point out any mistakes, I am so tired so they may have escaped my notice (I've been banned from doing school work, so I must look tired... people keep commenting that I look it...).

“She’s alive,” Skye whispered, unable to comprehend what Fitz had just told her. She was alive, and being kept captive by HYDRA. They really had to save her now, but to do that, they had to convince the team, and from what Skye had seen since she had joined their team, they seemed adamant that Jemma Simmons was dead.

“I’m scared,” Fitz had confessed and Skye couldn’t blame him. His best friend, who he had been told had been dead for 5 years had been held captive by an organisation that hadn’t been seen since the 40’s and whose sole purpose was world domination (or at least, that’s what Skye had picked up in History lessons).

Skye reached out to him, scared to over step any boundaries and rested her hand on his leg. He turned to her, giving her a small smile.

“I used to dream off her,” he began again. “After the accident. And when I was off my medication. It was her, everyone always said we had a physic connection.” But his voice sounded distant, as if he were thinking of something, or someone else.

“Did you not dream of her when you were on the meds?”

He shook his head. “No, she never said anything but I think it blocked her. Like, she couldn’t reach me or something…”

Skye nodded, and then pressed further. She wanted answers. She wanted to know Jemma, wanted to know this person that Fitz so obviously loved. “What was she like as a child, when she was younger?”

Fitz shook his head, and motioned to one of the files that lay scattered on his floor. All her medical details from when she was a child. “She was a bit of an odd bird, always has been, but I only knew her from when we were sixteen, well seventeen, a couple of weeks into term at the Academy, but she was always off those weeks, and for the first year. Most people think that she could see the future, and she could, but not in the way that they think. They think that she can see it all, but she can’t. She only sees glimpses and that’s only when she first sees them and that’s it. She can see the rest if she tries hard, she can predict what happens next but she never used it. It made the migraines and nosebleeds she usually suffered, but so much worse.

“Oh God,” Skye whispered, feeling sorry for the poor woman.

Fitz nodded. “She had it rough. That, and also she has a high processing brain, she has an extremely good memory and she is able to pick up on stimuli. All of that combined meant she always felt that she was a step out of sync with the rest of the world, and she hated that. When we were together, we fell into sync, and she connected with the rest of the world again. Or so I think,” he finished, doubting himself.

“You were probably amazing, nothing less than extraordinary,” Skye reassured him.

Fitz sighed heavily. “I don’t know.”

“Fitz,” Skye began. “I don’t know her, but I know you. I hardly know you but I know you better than I have known anyone in my life and I see how you care for her, and don’t you ever doubt yourself.”

Fitz was about to continue when May’s voice cut through, calling them down to the briefing room, that there was an update on the mission. Fitz thought for a second, trying to remember the mission, the one that Garrett and Trip had joined them for. Then he remembered: there were government secrets being sold to some organisation. He turned to Skye, hoping that she had something but she didn’t, she simply gave a shrug, so they made their way down to the briefing room.

Once they had reached the briefing room, they slotted themselves around the Holotable, Coulson taking point. Fitz felt an uneasiness on the room, as if all eyes were on him. He turned to his left, and Skye gave another shrug, confusion plastering across her face. It was evident that she didn’t know what was happening. To his right, Bobbi seemed tense, arms folded across her chest.

“There’s been a change in plan,” Coulson began, and turned to point at a picture behind him. “This was found in an alley in Hell’s Kitchen, written in blood.”

Fitz’s own blood turned to ice at the words. _The Clairvoyant knows all._   The nickname that Jemma had joked she should use.

It was all too much of a coincidence. That name. Trip and Garrett, who were both working in that facility and Jemma being able to reach him through his dreams once again. And what Coulson said next made the world spin in front of him.

“The blood,” he said, an uneasiness in his voice. “Belongs to Agent Jemma Simmons.”

“Wait,” Trip interrupted. “But she’s dead. She died five years ago now. I should have been there. If it hadn’t been for her, I would have been dead.”

“What?” Fitz asked, confused now. Trip had been late to work that day, Fitz knew that he had performed the medical tests, that Garrett was his SO… It was all connected somehow, and now he just had to figure out how… It was making his head spin.

“She saved my life,” Trip continued. “I should have been in there that day, but she told me not to, that she sensed that something was going to go wrong but this was before she had been shown that her abilities worked. She had begged me not to come in, so I said I wouldn’t come in, that I would say I was ill. She saved my life, at the expense of her own.”

“If she could see the future, why didn’t she save herself?” Garrett asked, posing the question that no one wanted to ask, and it took everything that Fitz had not to scream at him that it was his fault that Jemma was dead.

“She couldn’t leave,” Fitz said, thinking back to their last conversation that had been in person, all those years ago. “She wasn’t allowed to leave.”

“Well couldn’t she have just seen the future, looked up the guards and the cameras and escaped? Your girl seemed awfully smart.”

Fitz shook his head. “She didn’t want to use that ability. I don’t know why she didn’t escape but she only told S.H.I.E.L.D. of her power when she foretold a HYDRA uprising…”

“They could have had her family at risk,” Bobbi thought out loud. “They could have threatened her family, and kept her there. We could have given her to HYDRA.”

“We’re forgetting one main thing,” Garrett said, clearly trying to change the conversation, clearly uneasy with how the conversation had been going. “That she could actually be dead. The blood could have been taken all those years, ago, the blood that Trip drew.”

Trip shook his head, eyes flickering around the room. “There’s too much blood there to have been drawn, far too much. And who would keep blood for that long?” But the rest of the conversation, slowly turning into an argument, went over Fitz’s head.

“Fitz,” came a voice, but from who it was, he was unsure. “Fitz!” But the world swam in front of him, black spots clouding his vision, the ground rising to meet him.

***

When he awoke again, he was not outside of the cell that Jemma resided in, but inside of it, and he found her lying in the corner, looking a lot worse for wear than she had been only those hours ago when they had spoken. It made him sick that people could do this to someone so innocent.

“Jemma,” he whispered but she only stared at him, the only colour on her skin, now so very translucent was the blood. “Jems.”

“Fitz,” she replied some time later. “You think you know who the traitor is but you don’t. It’s not who you think it is. Please believe me.”

He nodded, crawling over to reach her, and tried to place a hand on her leg but all that happened was that his hand faded through it. “Who’s the traitor?” he whispered. If he could find out, he could save her.

She shook her head. “They’ll kill everyone and it will be my fault.” Her voice sounded breathless, and she carried her arm as though it were hurting her. It hurt him that he could do nothing to help her, to ease her pain, to take it all away.

“I have to lose you to save you,” were her next words. “I have to lose you to save you.”

He shook his head but she looked up to him, tears now mixing with the blood. “You don’t.”

“I do. I do. They’ll kill my parents. They’ll kill you, they’ll kill your mum.” His breath hitched at this. “They have always threatened them. I tried to protect term but I can’t. They want me. They want me to hurt people but I can’t. Not anymore. Not any longer.”

“Shush, Jems,” he attempted to reassure. “Jems, we can get them to safety, we can save them. We can save you.”

“You can save them, but not me. Save them,” she asked, looking at him, her eyes boring into him. “Ask Bobbi to contact him. He can help them, he can save them. But not me. It’s too risky, too dangerous. I can’t have you getting hurt, not for me. I’m not worth it.”

“Jemma Simmons,” his voice was sharp and seemed to have made an impression on her. Her eyes seemed to focus on him for the first time. “Don’t you ever say that you’re not worth it. Don’t you ever even think that. You mean the world to me, the Universe so don’t you dare ever say that.”

She bit her lip, trying to think of something to reply. But there were footsteps echoing down the corridor and they both turned their attention. A well-dressed man stood outside, flanked by armed guards, one of them that Fitz recognised from the other night. Not Watson, but the one that he had been with.

“Miss Simmons” he said and the way that he said it made Fitz physically want to vomit. He said it in such a degrading way, and there was an undertone of obsession. Judging from how Jemma had tried to make herself smaller, she clearly knew this man, and what he had in store for her. And Fitz didn’t need to be clairvoyant to know that it would be horrible. “Dr Whitehall is ready for you now.”

Before the darkness took hold of him once again, he listened to her screams, and felt them pierce her heart as she was dragged away, trying to fight her way out, but being unable to.

Fitz thought it couldn’t hurt anymore.

***

When he awoke again, he found Skye sitting in the bed beside him, nervously fidgeting with the sleeve of her jumped. “Are you okay?” she asked, and he sat up, a wave of dizziness washing over him before he shook his head. He himself was somewhat okay, but everything wasn’t okay.

“We need to save her,” he said, trying to get out of bed but Skye pushed him back.

“We are, don’t worry. We have gotten intel, from Bobbi, someone phoned her, one of the many agents that she knows and we have a location. We’re going to save her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun... they gonna save her! As you can tell, this chapter overlaps with the last chapter and the one previous but there will be a small time jump next time, by two/three days so not a lot. I want to say a massive thank you again for all the continued support, it means so much to me and I love that people are enjoying this, it makes me so happy, so thank you again!


	7. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here everything ties together (sort of, starts to). I want to say again many thanks for all of the continued support, you guys are the best. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Bobbi gave a heavy sigh as she started at Fitz. She knew who he was talking about, she really wished that she didn’t but she knew who it was.

“Is that what she said?” Bobbi asked, and Fitz nodded. She sighed again. “I’ll phone him, if I can. There’s no guarantee…” But she didn’t get a chance to finish. Fitz was already thanking her, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck before turning his attention back to the files that there were reading. It had now been five days since the last time that he talked to Jemma. He hadn’t seen her since, and the more time that passed, the more that his anxiety grew.

“We’ll save her, Fitz,” Bobbi reassured, “We’ll get her.”

“That there,” he said, pointing to one of the files, a base that Bobbi had gotten from one of her contacts. “That’s what I saw.”

“Are you sure?” Bobbi asked, hoping that the young Scot was right. “Because if it is, we can… we can save her.”

Fitz looked closer at the image, it was the pipes that he had seen the first time that he had been there. He nodded slowly. “That’s it…”

Bobbi turned to him. “Let’s save her.”

Fitz nodded again, and felt excitement rise up within him. “Let’s save her.”

Bobbi smiled down at him, reaching into her back pocket for her phone. “Let’s save her,” she said again, hoping that they were in time to save her.

***

Fitz still felt uneasy when near Garrett, that there was just too much related to him. That he showed up here just after the fifth anniversary of her death, that Jemma had had the vision of him with a HYDRA uprising, that he was the only one to survive the explosion. With Trip, he still felt uneasy, but Jemma had saved him, told him not to come to work that day so she must have trusted him. So he felt that he should too. And she had said that the traitor wasn’t who he thought it was.

But none of that mattered, that as soon as this was over, as soon as she was safe (because he refused to believe anything else), they would decide what to do next, together.

“Fitz,” came a voice from beside him, and judging from the tone of the voice, they had been calling his name for a long period of time.

Fitz spun around in his chair, turning to find Ward standing there, his face unreadable and arms folded across his chest. Fitz looked up at him, seeing that Ward was now dressed in tact gear.

“We’ve found the base.”

Fitz felt his heart stop in his chest. They had found the base in which Jemma had been kept, for the full five years or not, Fitz did not need to know, nor did he want to. If she had been with that man who treated her more like an object than a human… well, it didn’t need considered.

“Bobbi’s contact came through.”

“Like hell he did,” came Bobbi’s voice. She entered the lab, also now in a tactical gear, a baton in each hand, testing their weight. Fitz had made some minor improvements to her that day when he had collapsed during the meeting, and he wasn’t allowed out of the Med Bay for the rest of the night. Bobbi had come to check on him, complaining about how the balance of the batons no longer felt right for her, so he had offered to help. She had smirked, saying that in all her time, no one had ever managed to get them right, except for the one who had gifted her them all those years ago. “But he’s no longer around,” Bobbi had said with a smirk as she handed them to him.

“Who even was it?” Ward asked.

In reply, Bobbi set down the batons, nodding her thanks at Fitz. They were perfect, and he knew that. She still couldn’t believe that someone had managed to perfect him for her. “My ex.” She crossed her arms and leaned back against one of the lab tables. Ward raised an eyebrow in confusion, staring at the blonde. “Husband.” But apparently that was not the answer that Ward wanted, or was clear enough anyway. “Everyone has a past Ward, secrets we don’t like to say. You have secrets,” she said, her tone mysterious, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Is this Lance?” Trip asked entering the lab. Fitz’s attention darted to him, still unsure of how to feel, and wondering when the lab became such a social hub.

“The one and only.”

Trip nodded his head once in understanding. “How is he?”

Bobbi let out a breath. “He’s alive.”

“Ahh,” Trip replied, knowing that he had obviously been keeping things from Bobbi. And that it wouldn’t end well. For either of them. “Where has he been, haven’t seen him since… Germany?”

Bobbi have a sigh, plastering a fake smile across her face. “For the past two months? The base where we’re going.”

Trip let out a long, low whistle.

Bobbi nodded. “He’s our intel, our way in, and our way out.” She heaved a sigh, obviously wanting to keep something else hidden, before pushing herself of the table, and giving the batons another twirl. “We’ve briefing in five.” And with that, she left.

***

It didn’t take them long to get to the base, and once they arrived, they found it surprisingly deserted. There were no agents waiting for them there, no one was on guard. An uneasiness settled over them. An uneasiness that they were somehow expected, that this was only the beginning of something that HYDRA had been planning.  

“There’s no heat signatures,” Fitz said, looking at his tablet. Well, there were eight, but that was them. Hunter had yet to appear, he was in the main operations room, and would be opening the doors for them, that having been planned in advance. There was no way to contact him, so this was really their only shot at rescuing her.

“Ready?” Garrett asked, that devilishly grin on his face. A nod from everyone prompted them that it was time, that they were ready.

Skye headed to the left once they were in through the front door, led by Garrett, May and Coulson (who was also in tact gear, something that everyone found strange after seeing him in suits) while Trip, Ward and Bobbi took Fitz to the right.

Following corridors, Fitz’s attention still on the tablet (the absence of heat signatures still very noticeable), Bobbi felt uneasy. There were no guards here at all. Hunter would not have been able to do this all by himself. A place like this should be over flowing with HYDRA guards. If Jemma was as important as HYDRA thought, there should be more guards. She looked over her shoulder at Ward and Trip, both of whom seemed as uneasy as she was. Fitz, meanwhile, seemed more focus on the tablet. He, presumably, was trying to find the corridor her had dreamed that one time, and from there he could lead them to where he said Jemma was being kept. Bobbi, as much as she hated to admit this, had her doubts about today. Something felt wrong about everything, but she kept these to herself, although knowing that Trip and Ward probably shared similar fears.

Approaching another door, there was noises on the other side, and Ward held his hand up, to silence Fitz before he even was able to say that there were heat signatures registering from beyond that door. Just a singular one, and another in an adjacent room. But this wasn’t where she was kept. It didn’t feel right. Nothing about it felt right.

Ward now had his hand up towards Trip, and was counting down with his fingers. No one had to ask what it meant, or what was coming next. They all knew.

_5…_

_4…_

_3…_

_2…_

_1…_

The door was kicked in with an almighty clatter, and Ward went in first, a gun in each hand. Trip and Bobbi were not far behind. Fitz followed in last, and he saw that well-dressed man standing with his arms behind his back, as if he was expecting them. He had been the one that had come for Jemma.

“Where is she?” he asked, not caring about anything else. “What have you done with her?”

He smiled back, taking in the scene in front. “You must be Leopold Fitz,” he said, nodding to the young Scottish engineer. “All shall be revealed in moments.”

The way he said it made it seem like they were prepared for this, like they knew that this was coming. Had Jemma said to them? And if she did, then why? What had they threatened her with that made her tell them of this?

“Barbra,” his voice rang out. Fitz squirmed, and he could see that Bobbi did to. It was his tone of voice, there was something oh so very uncomfortable about it, how it made everyone feel uncomfortable. “You can stop that now, there’s no point.”

Bobbi stopped what she was doing. It was only then that Fitz realised that she had been whispering, finger pressed to comms, informing the rest of the team that they had a situation.

“They’ll get here okay,” he continued. “Don’t worry about that.”

“Where’s the girl?” Ward asked, his voice emotionless, how he got the job done. Disconnected himself from everything else.

The man laughed, still not having introduce himself yet but he seemingly knew everyone in the room. “She’ll come when the others are here. The more the merrier, more for the big surprise. Though I’m shocked that you have yet to guess what it is Mr. Ward.”

If the room was uneasy before, that was nothing compared to what it was now. Trip spun around to face him, lowering his weapon ever so slightly. His face was one of pure confusion, worry laced in with it. “Ward…”

Ward bit the inside of his cheek, but didn’t care to elaborate. There was an uncomfortable silence forming before it was broken.

“Bakshi. Sunil Bakshi,” said that man, holding out his hand, but no one took it, no one offered to shake it, so he slowly drew it back in.

Finally, voices echoed down the corridor, familiar voices and Fitz breathed a sigh of relief. “John” Bakshi said again once the other agents had entered, nodding at the older man. Garrett nodded back, and Fitz stepped back, colliding with Bobbi who instinctively pushed him back behind.

“How?” Trip asked, turning to face his SO. He seemed as confused as everyone else in the room. Well, everyone except Ward. It was evident that there was something these two men knew that the others didn’t. That even Trip didn’t know. Jemma had said that the traitor wasn’t who he thought.

But it couldn’t be Ward. The only connection that he had had to Jemma was Garrett, not like all the ones that Trip had. And Ward had helped, had seen keen help but he couldn’t be. He couldn’t be HYDRA. Fitz couldn’t believe it, almost didn’t want to believe it.

“Gentlemen, ladies,” Bakshi said with a dramatic flare and Fitz swallowed hard, wanting to know what came next because he knew it would be about Jemma. “You can come out now,” he called over his shoulder.

When she appeared, still pale, still somewhat sickly looking, Fitz let out a breath that he didn’t know that he had been holding. Her hair had blood matted in it, and was chopped shorter than it had been those days before. Her eyes, and this was what terrified him the most, had a disconnected look, as if she were unsure of what to do next.

“Jemma,” he breathed, wanting to step forward to see her, but Bobbi held out an arm, stopping him. She was shaking. There was something about this that terrified her. Everyone, bar Ward and Garrett who seemed in on this, and even Skye who had no idea what was happening seemed anxious. Even May. And if May was scared… Fitz didn’t even want to think about it.

She cocked her head, turning to face him. She didn’t seem to recognise him, but he could see her brain trying to process this. And that hurt him. He wanted to know what had happened to her. And to get his revenge. To make them suffer like she had.

“Now,” Bakshi began, enjoying the theatrics that this was turning into, enjoying all the power that he now held. How the room was in the palm of his hand. “Jemma here has been an actual dear the past few days, once she stopped complaining, crying. Once she learnt that life wasn’t a fairy tale, and that there wasn’t a knight in shining armour that would be coming to rescue her, that this couldn’t be broken by True Love’s Kiss, she was very good.”

He ran his hand down the side of his face and Fitz felt physically ill. Jemma still did nothing. Stood still as a statute, a soldier awaiting her next order. At what movement that Bakshi made, May tensed, discreetly cracking her neck. Simply judging by the movement, the body language, Fitz could hazard guess that May wanted to rip his hand from him. She didn’t know the younger woman, but May knew what creepy behaviour was, and she had a better idea of what was happening than he did. “She was very happy to comply,” Bakshi said, in a sense that made Fitz think that this was a finishing statement.

Jemma turned to face him, finally smiling, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Her voice was hoarse as if she had been screaming for a period of time, and was now only regaining it. “I’m happy to comply.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am leaving it with that ending for the next couple of weeks due top work at school is currently piling up, and I need to focus on that. But fear not, I shall be back in June to finish this, and all of my other fics, so don't worry about that, and apologies to those who are loving this, I'm just so stressed out atm. I just hate unfinished fic. But many thanks again for all of the support I am getting, it means everything to me, and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter!


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT IS! The next chapter. Sorry for the massive delay between the updates, school just got far too stressful and I had to focus on getting through the last number of weeks. But its done so there will now be updates to this every week/week and a half, depends on when I get so time. This next chapter kinda has a dark undertone but it will all be explained in the next number of chapters

If Bobbi was angry at what had happened before, she was furious now. May, was likewise as angry, though she wasn’t glaring at Bakshi who now had the entire room in the palm of his hand, or even looking at Jemma, her gaze was fixed up Ward. There was something unsettling about the look that she wore, if looks could kill, then this would. Ward didn’t move, or do anything, but Fitz could see how uncomfortable he was, he looked like he wanted to squirm.

“What did you do?” Trip asked, looking at Jemma. Though he barely knew her, that didn’t mean he couldn’t care about what she had been through. And make all those who made her suffer, suffer in return (although thinking about it, he would very probably be at the end of that line, but still).

“We made her comply,” Bakshi reply, something sickening in his tone.

Fitz shook his head, stepping away from Bobbi but not noticing the look that she gave him. “Comply as in brainwash?”

Bakshi nodded. “See, someone knows what I’m getting at.”

Fitz shook his head again. No, this wasn’t possible. “You can’t have.”

“Oh,” Bakshi asked, playing this out. He had obviously expected this to happen. Wanted this to happen. “And why not?”

“Because it’s impossible.” When no one said anything, this prompted Fitz to continue, but not before momentarily taking his eyes of the Hydra agent in front of him to look at Jemma, still so very distant, still so very lost looking. “Because she has a high processing brain. There’s no way that it would have worked on her. She’s too smart for your machine.” If this were to happen at any other point, Fitz would have felt pride, proud even that he could have found loopholes, but he didn’t because the smug grin that Bakshi was displaying showed him that he was so very wrong.

“Well, _Mr_ Fitz,” he began, again with the theatrical dynamic but with heavy emphasis on the Mr, “that was what would have happened. But we have to backtrack a bit to allow for us to understand what has happened to her. A number of days ago, we brought in a highly trusted agent of ours, a one Dr Whitehall, on the premises that he could get us Miss Simmons’s powers.” He gestured, allowing for the words to sink in but when they didn’t. “She wouldn’t give them to us, so we took it from her.”

A gasp came from behind, that soon turned into sobs. Fitz risked a glimpse behind and saw that Skye had collapsed to the floor, and Trip was crouching beside her, reassuring rubbing her back but it was to no avail. Everyone now knew what he had meant, but Bakshi finished with a concluding statement. “And after that, we could mould her to however we wanted her to be.”

Fitz didn’t notice in then, but there were silent tears streaming down his face, he couldn’t even begin to imagine the horrors that Jemma had been put through in these last few days along, not just the past five years.

“Jems,” he couldn’t help but whisper, but if the word meant anything to her, there were no signs of recognition on her face. He looked back towards May, who was still bristling and then to Bobbi who looked like she was about to run. But towards what, he didn’t know. For all of a sudden, he was knocked to the ground, and there was an explosion of noise.

A gun shot, shouting, the banging of metal but not all in that order. That’s the order that Fitz’s brain processed it in, but when he would look back on the events, he realised that this was not the order in which they had actually occurred. He tried to look around, to see if Jemma was okay, but May had her pinned against the wall, protecting her from whatever was happening. The look of fear on her face was something else that he would probably never be able to forget.

“Sir!” came Ward’s voice through all of the confusion, there was something resembling, but not quite like fear in his voice, and it was full of obedience.

Then came Garrett’s reply, something about leaving and regaining their energy. Judging from the sound of his voice he had been injured. And if you took into account the gunshots, then he was probably shot. Fitz had no sympathy. He had been betrayed. Everything was starting to fall into place in his mind. Everything was making sense now.

Ward had been the traitor and now he was gone. Ward had the ability to slip from S.H.I.E.L.D’s radar, never to be seen again, never to get the punishment that he deserved for his part in it. And he wouldn’t be the only one. So many deserved to suffer because of what had happened, at what S.H.I.E.L.D. had allowed to happen. And how many of them would get their punishments, Fitz couldn’t help but wonder.

There was a sudden lightness on him, and then he realised that Bobbi was no longer on top of him, and was arguing with someone. He looked around, taking in the room. Coulson was standing back, talking to someone; Trip was still comforting Skye on the floor, but his eyes flickered in the direction in which Garrett and Ward must have escaped. There was an anger burning there, like he wanted to chase after them. But he didn’t. He stayed there with Skye.

He stood up, stumbling slightly. He made his way to where Jemma was, she was still sitting against the wall, the look of terror less evident upon her face, now replaced with that more distant look. May had gone, now standing over Bakshi, on the ground, hunched up holding his side where he must have got shot.

The sounds of pain that came from his mouth were delightful when May bent his wrist back, as was the sound of snapping that shortly followed.

“Jemma,” he whispered, but she just started at him, her eyes brown and wide. They should have been so full of life and excitement, but now they were just dead and full of fear. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s over. You’re safe now.”

He knelt down in front of her, slowly and gently, scared in case that he spook her. She didn’t make eye contact, just looked down at her hands in her lap now, fiddling with the sleeve of her jumper.

“We need to leave,” came an English accent, but it wasn’t Jemma. It was whoever Bobbi was arguing with. When they turned to face Fitz, he recognised who it was.

The Hydra agent. Watson. Before he was even fully standing, May was holding him by the wrist. He risked a quick glance at the unconscious head that was now Bakshi, feeling no remorse at all.

“Fitz,” Bobbi said, her voice strained as if there was so much more to it than currently met the eye. “This is Hunter. My contact. The one who got us in.”

Hunter nodded, and Fitz pulled his arm from May, still staring at him uncertainly. “Why didn’t you let us know?” he asked, trying as hard as he could to keep the bitterness from his voice, but it was still present there in the undertone. Two months he had known, and never once in that time had he let them know the Jemma was still alive.

“Fury had me undercover here. He wanted me to keep an eye on her once he found out she was alive. I couldn’t make a move until the other day when she was in danger. They were the conditions. Don’t move her unless absolutely necessary. Jemma knew them. Jemma _agreed_ to them.”

Fitz closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded once. This, he could deal with later. There were currently much more pressing matters at the moment.

“Whatever Bakshi said they did, it’s a lie.”

“What?” Fitz asked, knowing that this man, someone who he had only just met was still somewhat more trustful than Bakshi, but there was still something screaming at Fitz, a certain uncertainty that he couldn’t yet place.

“Whatever Bakshi said they did, it’s a lie. I have the files, I was there,” Hunter shook his head as if he were reliving something that he would rather forget. “Can we discuss this later? We’re still here and security has probably been triggered since they’ve not heard from Bakshi.”

Fitz nodded. “Let me talk to her first. Please.”

“Two minutes,” Coulson’s voice came, speaking for the first time in what seemed like ages. “Then we leave.” His tone was serious, implying that this was not a matter that was up for discussion.

Another nod from Fitz, then he was knelt down in front Jemma.

“Jemma, please look at me.” His voice was soft and gentle and at the command, she looked up at him. “You’re safe. Okay, it’s me Fitz. We’re gonna take you home. Somewhere safe, okay?”

A slow nod at this.

“Fitz…” she said, her voice hoarse as if she hadn’t used it a lot. Or if she had been screaming. He didn’t dwell on it. He had gotten a reply which was the only thing that mattered to him at that point.

“Yeah, it’s me, you’re safe. Okay, you’re safe.” Then he realised, she really wasn’t. He needed a way to snap her out of this brainwashing. But he didn’t know how. Hell, up until today he didn’t even know it really worked. He just thought it was an idea.

Then he remembered Bakshi had been droning on about life not having happy endings, and knights in shining armour and True Love’s Kiss. An idea formed in his mind. “Jemma,” he whispered, an apologetic tone already present. “I’m so sorry.”

She looked like she was about to ask why, but she didn’t have the chance. Fitz was already kissing her.

And after a moment, she was kissing him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They found each other! Yay! So it got kinda dark and twisted what Bakshi was saying had happened, but is that the truth? Only one side has been revealed and can we really trust him anyway? What does Hunter know? Where have John and Ward ran off to? How did Jemma even get her powers? All shall be revealed in the next number of chapters. Many apologies again for the delay, and I want to say a massive thank you for all the continued support, it means so much to me. Feel free to leave ideas in the comments, I love reading what you guys think will happen next! Many thanks again!


	9. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep! Here it is another chapter. And things get interesting here... I'll say no more besides enjoy the chapter and thanks so much for the continued support.

A silence filled the room as the two friends (possibly maybe even more now) kissed, two friends who had spent so long apart, one of which thought the other was lost forever while the other suffered horrors beyond comprehension. Everyone watched in a shocked awe at what was happening before them before Hunter finally found the courage to speak.

“We need to leave.”

“Agreed,” came May’s voice. She was back at Bakshi’s (still alive but unconscious) body, trying his wrists together. “Trip,” her voice came again. Trip rose from his place beside Skye and helped to raise him along with May. He would now be taken into S.H.I.E.L.D.’s custody, a prisoner now. He would be questioned, integrated about Hydra, and what they had done, and not just to Jemma.

“I can’t,” Jemma whispered to Fitz, shaking her head. She couldn’t leave. Hydra had told her of the horrors that would happen not only to her but to all those that she loved.

“Jemma,” came a voice that was not Fitz’s. It was the girl that was with them, the girl who was on the floor. She stood up and approached but Jemma met her eyes, and even though there was kindness in them, in the past five years Jemma had learnt that even though someone might have kindness in their eyes, it didn’t mean they were kind. “We’re here to rescue you.”

Jemma crawled away, shaking her head. She didn’t know this woman, and despite the fact that she was here with Fitz and Hunter, and Trip for that matter, it didn’t mean that she wasn’t brainwashed. Hydra had agents everywhere.

Skye stopped, she could see that the she was casing Jemma distress. She looked at Fitz who gave a shrug. He turned to look at Jemma who was staring at this team, the people who said that were here to rescue her. “Jems,” he began. “It’s safe. We’re not Hydra.”

She shook her head. She knew this was Fitz, she knew all his mannerisms, everything about him despite only knowing him for short period of time, and being away from him so much longer. She had spent all that time she was trapped here, thinking of him.

“Hey princess,” Hunter said, the nickname he had adopted for her. The first time that they had met, her nose was bleeding, her eyes black and her clothes filthy. She had asked him why he had called her that, thinking he was Hydra but he told her to look in his mind, see that he was here under Fury’s orders. She did, regretting it instantly with the pain that followed but knowing he wasn’t lying. And a relationship had formed between them, similar to that of brother and sister. “We’re safe. Bobs here is my ex, and I trust her with my life.” Hunter know knelt in front of her, their eyes meeting. Hunter could see her brain working, processing all that had just happened, trying to fight through the fog that clouded her mind. It seemed Fitz had already broken through the beginning with the kiss but Hunter knew that it wasn’t gone, not completely. It was hard to get rid of it completely. It would always be there.

“My family, his family. Hydra threatened them.”

“Idaho and Izzy,” Hunter said, hoping to reassure her. “They contacted Bobbi on my orders when I knew you were in danger, and then as luck would have it, she phoned me. They’ve got them out. They’re safe. They’ve been taken to an S.H.I.E.L.D. safe house.”

Jemma thanked him, and he held out a hand. She accepted it standing. Standing, she shivered. She knew they had to leave but fear was still in her stomach. “We have to leave.” May said, her and Trip dragging Bakshi. “Now.”

Jemma swallowed hard, knowing that this had to be done.  She nodded. It was a command, and the tone of May’s voice told her that she had to obey.

Hunter left, leaving Fitz to take Jemma’s hand. It felt good to her. It felt as though it was cementing her to the ground.

Hunter, now at May, spoke to her, his voice a low whisper. “You think Fitz broke it with a kiss?” May looked at him, an eyebrow raised. ”But it wasn’t.” He shook his head and risked glance back behind at the two young scientists forced to go through so much more at their age than they should have.

“She listened to you when you demanded that we leave. She’s still taking orders.”

May looked at them now, Fitz leading her by the hand, and Jemma tagging slightly behind. As if she were nervous to move.

“We move now.” Colson said, leading Skye and Bobbi out the door, and May and Trip followed behind, bringing Bakshi along with them.

“Ready princess?” Hunter asked, loading his weapon again. She nodded, looking at Fitz who gave her a reassuring nod. “Let’s go.”

The smile that followed this statement had a lopsided one.

***

Those crucial moments that they stayed behind led them to be separated from the team. The others were nowhere to be seen. Hunter cursed under his breath, looking both left and right at the end of the corridor in which they were now stuck.

“We came from the left,” Fitz offered, throwing anxious glances over his shoulder, terrified that an ambush could come from behind.

“Right,” Hunter said, heading that way. Fitzsimmons followed, the anxiety still eating away at them from the inside.

Heading further down the corridor, the only sounds their footsteps and Fitz providing the directions. They still hadn’t seen the team (presuming that they would find them back at their means of escape) and they also hadn’t seen any agents of hydra yet either, which only increased fears tenfold. There was no one stopping them from escaping. Was this accidental, where they all of dealing with the other members of the team? Or was this all part of a greater, more menacing plan they were not yet aware of?

Hunter raised his hand, motioning them to stop. They did, holding their breaths. Hunter took a few tentative steps around the corner then back tracked, his weapon now by his side, his other arm raised. Ward was in front of him, his weapon raised pointed at Hunter’s chest.

“Where’s Garrett?” Fitz chose to ask, using new found courage facing the former ally now turned enemy. Part of the organisation that had hurt one of the most important people in his live.

Ward shrugged off the question. “Getting the medical care that he needs after our friend Hunter here put bullets in him.

Hunter snorted, one of pride at injuring the Hydra agent, and one that was meant to mock Ward that he even had the courage to call them friends.

“What do you even want?” Came Fitz again. Hunter looked over his shoulder, but diverted his attention back when Ward cocked the gun, ready to fire at any moment.

And that’s when they heard Jemma murmuring nonsense. They all directed their attention to her.

“Jems,” Fitz whispered, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. But that did nothing to stop her.

“Well, Fitz,” Ward said, Jemma no longer interesting to him. “I have orders not to let her leave and to shoot anyone who tries to help her leave.”

Hunter squared himself up, trying to put as much of himself between Ward and the two young scientists behind him. The tension was thick, and it was turning into a standoff between them. To help keep the peace, Fitz and Simmons both raised their hands, to show that they meant no harm.

Then, before Ward could even react, they took off running down the corridor. Gunshots echoed behind them and they didn’t risk looking behind. Jemma, no longer muttering but trying to hold the tears back, simply ran, knowing that Hunter could hold her own. After taking a number of lefts and rights, they stopped.

Fitz took her to the side, and rested both hands on her shoulders. “Jemma,” he said, his voice strong and powerful and so full of reassurances. “Can you please use… can you look in the future, find us a way out of her.” As she shook her head, allowing the tears to flow properly, he started again but she interrupted him.

“I can’t. It’s gone. I’ve lost it.”

Fitz looked at her, unable to reply to this and just nodded instead. He leaned in and placed a kiss on her forehead.

She closed her eyes, allowing this tiny moment of bliss when a gunshot echoed down the corridor. Jemma gasped, not feeling any pain (maybe it would take a while to kick in). She looked down, not finding any blood on her top.

But what she found was something that horrified her.

Fitz slumped across her chest. Ward standing behind her, gun raised, aimed at her now.

“Please,” she whispered, allowing herself to fall with Fitz, placing pressure on the wound. “Please.”

Ward cocked the gun again and there was another gun shot. Jemma opened her eyes, only realising then that she had closed them.  Ward was no longer standing, but Hunter and May were there, now rushing to Fitz. May tried to remove her hands but she refused to move. Begging May not to remove her. That she had to save Fitz. She had to repay the favour.

She felt arms around her waist, Hunter telling her that May could do it. They had a medical kit with a clotting substance that would help him. She relaxed in his arms, felt a jab in the side of her neck and slumped back, knowing that she couldn’t fig

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went there. I shot Fitz. Makes a change (anyone who has read a lot of my stuff knows its usually Jemma who I hurt, thought I would switch things up for once!). And in the next couple of chapters everything will become clear. Thanks so much for the support. And if there are any inconsistencies, feel free to point them out. I may have missed them. Thanks so much again and I hoped you enjoyed this chapter!


	10. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally up. It took me some time but here we are. The next chapter. Thanks for all the support with this and I hope you enjoy.

She refused to leave his side. She had barely eaten, hadn’t moved for a number of days now. Hadn’t talked to anyone besides Hunter.

Skye watched her through the window to the medical bay in whatever S.H.I.E.L.D. base they were in now.

“Skye.” A voice behind her turned her to spin. Bobbi was standing there. Her eyes were red. It was evident that she had been crying. Had something been said during the mission debrief? Was it something to do with Fitz? Jemma?

“Is everything... Are they going to be okay?” She was scared to know the answer. What if it was no. No they _weren’t_ going to be okay.

Bobbi looked at her for a moment, plotting out what she was going to say. “Fitz, he’s going to be fine. Should be waking up by the end of the day….”

“And Jemma?” Skye prompted. She knew it would be bad. She knew that there would be a long road ahead of her, after the five years.

Bobbi heaved a sigh and bit her lip nervously. “She’ll be… She’ll need help over the next period of time. It could take months, years _if_ she were ever to recover.”

Skye nodded, understanding this. “And what Bakshi was saying… about what they did to her?” Skye was almost scared to know the answer.

“Whatever Bakshi had been implying they did, how they tortured her, it was all for show. Hunter says he does quite like his theatrics. But Jemma has lost her powers. We don’t know how exactly but as soon as Whitehall got his hands on her, she somehow overwhelmed herself to the point where she lost the ability.” She offered Skye the file she was holding.

Skye accepted it somewhat reluctantly and opened it, and the first thing in it was a scan of a brain. “Is that hers?”

Bobbi nodded, and pointed something out. “That part there, allowing her to perceive the world was always over-developed, it’s in all her medical records but…” Bobbi paused as she replaced that pic with the one behind it. “That is her now.”

She pointed to the same area but it was now a darker one. Skye looked from the scan to Bobbi, then back to the scan. She scrunched her face up in confusion.

“Dead cells. Won’t heal. And she lost her ability, so we think that when the cells died, the ability was gone.”

Skye looked back up at Bobbi then looked back through the window, back at Jemma.

***

Hunter made his way into the medical bay. He was the only one that Jemma allowed in, that Jemma _trusted_.

“Afternoon,” he greeted as he slid into the seat beside her. She didn’t answer.

 “Is it true?” he asked, hoping that he would be able to get an answer out of her this way. “That he’s waking up in a couple of hours?”

Jemma looked at him, and Hunter could have sworn that he saw her thinking through the answer. He knew that this would have happened, after all that had happened in Hydra. Fighting through the conditioning of her mind.

“He is.”

He smiled at her, and passed her a sandwich. “I brought you lunch, thought we could eat it together.”

She smiled at him, accepting it with thanks but she knew the real reason why Hunter had brought her lunch again today. She wouldn’t eat otherwise. It’s not that she didn’t want to eat. It was more that she forgot, her mind too focused on Fitz, and trying to fight through the mist and haze placed there by Hydra. It was more that her mind almost couldn’t have its own thoughts, not after what it had been subjected to.

She unwrapped it, and took a tentative bit of the corner.

“It’s okay,” Hunter reassure. “You can eat.”

This was how all of their lunchtimes went. Jemma hadn’t said the reason why but she knew Hunter knew why anyway.

“It helps,” she began cautiously. “How you’re speaking.”

Hunter looked at her, trying to puzzle her out.

“Commands. Telling me to eat. To sleep. To...” She shook her head. “You’re the only one who does it. Speaks that way. Everyone else offers me suggestion to do this, or to do that. I don’t like… I can’t process it. Not yet anyway. It just… It hurts. And I hate it. What Hydra did to me.”

She shook her head again.

“You can get over this, Princess. You know that?”

She turned to look at Hunter. “They talk to me like I’m fragile. Like I’m going to break. And I think that maybe I am.”

“Jemma, you are one of the strongest people I know. You made it, you survived five years there.”

“But at what cost? How many lives have I ruined? How many people have I gotten killed to protect them? To save myself?” Her breath hitched at the last word and her body started to shake.

Hunter moved his chair closer to her, and allowed her to cry into his shoulder.

***

It wasn’t until the early hours of the evening that Fitz finally awoke. Jemma was still sitting there, holding his hand. He smiled up at her.

“I thought I lost you,” she whispered. “I thought that I found you only to lose you.”

He reached up, and wiped away at her tears with his hand. “You’re not going to lose me. Not again, not ever, okay.”

She nodded, and reached for his hand again, fully intent on just holding it but he brought it up, allowing his lips to lightly dance across his knuckles.

“Thanks you. For saving me. For saving me from them, from what they had turned me into.”

“Jemma, you’re my friend. I would never have left you, you know that.” Another nod from her, this time her eyes were closed, trying but ultimately failing to fight back the tears. “I never thought you dead. I just… I didn’t believe it. I _wouldn’t_ believe it. Because a world without you… It wasn’t one I wanted to live in.”

“Four years I knew you before everything went wrong,” she whispered. “Four years of my life I knew you before I lost you, and that… Fitz I knew you only a fraction of my life but they were the best four years of my life. I wouldn’t exchange them for anything but…”

“But what?” Her tone had changed and Fitz knew something was coming. Something bad.

“I can’t stay here. Not after all that I did. I told Hydra how to do the ops. Even if S.H.I.E.L.D. were to win so to say, I was made… I said what Hydra needed to do win. I helped them Fitz. I helped Hydra. Because they threatened you. Our families. I’m as bad as them.”

“No.”

A pause.

“No you’re not Jemma Simmons. You were tortured. You did what you had to to survive.”

“But people are dead because of me. So many people.”

A pause.

“Jemma Simmons. They may be dead. They may be brainwashed. They may have been tortured. But two of those things have happened to you. You need… you need to heal after this. After what happened. Jems. You need to come to terms with this. And I won’t hate you for anything that happened. You protected me. Your parents. My mum. And they mean more to me than any agent. My mum is alive because of you and I can’t thank you enough for that.”

“But…”

He shook his head. “Please, Jems. I don’t want you hurting yourself. Causing yourself any more pain.”

“But the powers gone…”

“That’s not want I meant.”

She knew it but she still couldn’t help it. All that blood would forever be on her hands.

“Hydra forced you to change the future and if I’ve seen enough Doctor Who, then I know that’s a bad thing. They changed your visions, and I know what… I know how you said that couldn’t happen Jemma. But it’s done. Its past. And we’re gonna move forward, like we do everything.”

“Together.”

He nodded, and adjusted himself on his bed. “Five years…”

“I know,” she whispered, shocked at the time period herself. She sometimes didn’t even believe that she was here sometimes. She thought that it had to be a dream, something conjured by Hydra to make her comply. “I saw a part of everyone’s future when I saw them. Hunter, when I met him asked what his future held. I never told him. Not that it was bad or anything it’s just… if you know the future then you know what to expect. It’s not fun. It’s not exciting… But when I first met you Fitz, I didn’t… Something new happened. Something that had only happened once. And it wasn’t even a person that caused it.”

“Jemma?”

“Fitz, I want to tell you… You deserve to know why I followed you around all those years… you deserve to know.” She groaned in frustration. She couldn’t say it aloud, couldn’t find the words that would do it justice.

“Jems, what’s wrong?”

“When I first met you, something happened. Something you deserve to know.”

And so, she told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, I hope you liked this next part. And I wasn't really going to kill Fitz. I am not that mean. The next couple of chapters (and maybe some of the last) will deal with Jemma coming to terms with what has happened, and her moving on from those five years as best she can. And we will also _finally_ learn whre she got her powers from! Many thanks again, you guys are the best!


	11. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have finally updated this after a busy week. I wanted this up on Saturday, but life was just not permitting that. Hope you enjoy this next chapter and thanks again for all your continued support.

He stared at her as she explained her story, taking it all in. It was eye-opening to him, listening to her explaining just what had happened to her the first time they met, just how much he really meant to her.

“I was the only thing that felt real to you?” he asked, and she nodded, eye closed and tears dropping from her face on to her lap.

“You were Fitz. You were the only one that felt real. In my whole life. You were the only one that felt real to me. You, and the cottage in Perthshire. Out of everything in the world, only two things felt real. And one of them was you. Fitz, I never saw your future, what would happen to you. And…” she had to stop, and took a shaking breath.

“Jemma,” he said. She looked at him, wide brown eyes bearing into his soul. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

She nodded, and he felt guilty for doing this. He knew that Jemma had difficulty processing at the minute, her brain only dealing well when it came to working with demands and being told to do something. “What do you want to tell me?”

“I love you Fitz. More than anything. More than myself.”

He looked at her, before shifting in the hospital bed so that there was space. “Do you wanna come… do you wanna…” he trailed off, watching her face scrunch up in confusion.

He tried again. “Jemma, come here.”

She nodded, and climbed into the bed beside him. Curling up next to him, he wrapped his arm around her. “I like it. When people speak like that,” she explained not for the first time that day. “It’s… comforting,” she tried as though she were trying to find the most appropriate way to say how if felt.

“Yeah?” he asked, playing with her hair.

“Yeah. It means I don’t have to think, just do. When you… when you kissed me, it broke part of it. The brainwashing, the mist they put around my mind. But it still lingers. The need to comply with something, the desire to follow orders. To have someone tell you what to do. The safety in it. They always said it lingers, don’t they?”

He nodded, remembering that day in class so long ago now. “Well, let’s see if we can break anymore.”

“Fitz?” she asked and before he could answer, his lips were dancing over hers.

It wasn’t even a moment later that she was returning the kiss.

***

Skye passed the medical bay later that day to find the two of them, curled up together, asleep. She was so distracted by this that she didn’t hear the footsteps behind her.

May.

“Skye.”

The voice caused the younger woman, not even an agent yet, to spin around.

“May, I never knew, is everything okay?” Skye asked as she faced the older agent.

May stared at Skye at this, then her attention flicked to the two young scientist, curled up together after so long, taking comfort in each other after all that had happened.

“Bobbi says,” Skye begins, fidgeting anxiously with the helm of her jumper. “That it could take years for her to recover, that she might never recover…”

“She’s right,” May cut in, wanting Skye to know the truth. To know that it isn’t going to get better within a number of days. May couldn’t even imagine the horrors that Jemma had suffered in these past years. “Skye, Jemma could take days to even come to realise what’s happened, what she’s been through. And she might not want to be near us.”

“She wouldn’t?”

May nods, and tries to make her face adopt a calm and reassuring emotion. “Skye, she won’t trust us. Fitz, Hunter, and Trip, they’re the only ones she knows here, the only ones she trusts so she’ll want them. Five years is a long time to be spent alone, and in Hydra’s grasp.”

Skye nodded at this, fighting back tears that formed in her eyes, though she barely knew the other woman, she wouldn’t wish what she had been through on anyone.

“Let’s leave them in peace, Coulson wants to see you anyway.”

Skye nodded again, and allowed May to lead her away.

***

Trip sat in the kitchen with Bobbi and Hunter, and uneasiness had formed between them. Trip knew both Hunter, separately and when they were together. He knew that they didn’t get on, but what Trip now also knew was that Bobbi owed everything to Hunter, that she was grateful to him for being with Jemma, for helping save her.

But he also knew that Bobbi was angry with Hunter, angry that he hadn’t contacted her soon, to tell her he knew where Jemma was, just what she had been subjected to.

Trip sighed, setting down his fork, knowing that despite everything that had happened, all that she had been through, she was alive.

She was alive.

And she would get through this.

Because she was strong.

Because she had survived this, she could get through anything.

Finally, the silence that grown too uncomfortable for Bobbi and Hunter and they dealt with it like they dealt with everything.

By arguing.

“Do you think I wanted her there Bobs?” Hunter demanded. “Do you think I wanted to let her suffer that? Do you think I wanted to _witness_ that?” He shakes his head as Bobbi gives him a look that could kill.

“She could have died Hunter!”

Hunter shakes his head again, his tones less aggressive now. “I don’t think they would have killed her. Her gifts were too valuable to them. They couldn’t risk losing that.”

“Then why did they torture her?”

“Bakshi. The bastard was twisted. He wanted to brainwash her to get her to do what he wanted. They wanted to use her. But pain wasn’t working. From what her files said, she held up well, it was when her family, Fitz, were threatened... She gave in. Bobs, some missions that we failed, they’re because she told Hydra what they needed to do to succeed.”

Bobbi didn’t reply to this. “She’s going to blame herself,” she finally said, slowly, as if trying to take the words in. And she knew she was right. People had died. Because of what Hydra had done to her, what they made her do. But she couldn’t blame Jemma. She could never blame Jemma. She was only doing what it took to survive, and what it took to keep the people that she loved alive. Bobbi could never blame her for that.

Hunter nodded. “She’s going to need all the help that she can get.”

Trip, having decided that the ex-couple had forgotten all about him, decided that this would be the most appropriate him for him to chime in. “May’s bringing Garner on board.”

This caused both the blonde and the Brit to turn and face him, their faces clearly showing that they had forgotten about him.

“God help her,” Hunter muttered. “She’s gonna need all the help that she can get.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter done, hope you enjoyed this one. There will probably only be a few more, just to tie everything up and deal with Jemma coming to terms with everything that has happened and I would love to have this finished before I start Uni! Also, this now has a Pinterest Board started up under the same name, by Agentsofsuperwholocked. It's still being updated and sorted out, but feel free to check it out! Many thanks again.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been away from this for a while but I've finally got my muse back for it and am finishing it off as after this there is just one more chapter. Thank you to anyone who has stuck around waiting.

It was a number of days later that Garner came to the base, and stared his therapy sessions with Jemma.

At first, she didn’t want to talk. Not to Garner. She didn’t want him to know just what she had done, she didn’t want to know just how much blood was on her hands.

“Jemma,” he said, and she looked up at him, with large eyes, tears threatening to spill. “Do you want someone in here with you? Fitz?”

She shook her head. “No. Not yet.”

“Do you want to talk?”

Jemma shook her head again. “No. I can’t. Not yet.”

Garner nodded, and noted that down. Jemma frowned, and wondered what he was doing exactly. “I want to leave.”

He looked up at her words. “You want to leave?”

She nodded at this. “Just for now. Just today. I’m not ready… not for this. Not for today.”

“That’s okay. Another session on Thursday then?”

Jemma shrugged. “Maybe.”

“You can leave then.”

Jemma stood up, and pulled the sleeves of Fitz’s hoodie down further on her arms. “Thank you.” Garner nodded and then she left, with no real goal in mind.

***

She made her way around the base, and towards the kitchen. Her stomach hurt and was rumbling, something that symbolised to her that she was hungry.

She stood in the doorway, watching the figure making something.

She was silent but maybe not enough as the figure spun around. “Simmons.”

It was one of the older agents. May.

“Are you hungry?”

Jemma nodded, “I don’t know what I want though.”

May gave her a smile. “That’s okay. How about you take a seat and I’ll make you something.” She gestured to the chair and after some thinking and fighting the mist and vices around her mind, Jemma pulled out a wooden chair and sat down.

May walked over to the cupboard and took a tin from the top shelf. “Soup okay? Fitz said that you liked it.”

Jemma nodded, feeling the hunger constrict her stomach. “Please.”

May nodded, and opened the can. She poured the contents into a bowl and placed it in the microwave, heating up the contents.

“Do you want bread roll with it?”

Jemma stared at what May was holding then nodded slowly. It was food, and if she was eating that would make everyone happy. They had been wanting her to do things on her own, and not to take orders. They had said if she continued doing what people said then the remains of the brainwashing would never leave. “Yes. Please.”

May just smiled, as if she were proud of Jemma and cut the object in half before buttering it. Once May had done this, she passed it, and the bowl of soup to Jemma, then slid into the seat opposite her.

Jemma ripped part of the roll, and dipped it into her food. She placed into her mouth, chewing slowly.

This went on for a time that was close to half an hour before May spoke, breaking the silence that had formed between the two of them. Jemma didn’t mind the silence that had formed. It wasn’t uncomfortable so to speak, it was quite pleasant if she was going to be honest with herself.

The past few days had been full of people talking to her, telling her that it was okay, that it would be okay. That things like this, you don’t recover from it overnight.

That it takes time.

It’s natural.

She needn’t worry about it.

And it was grating.

They were trying, they really were, and for that, she couldn’t get annoyed.

She shouldn’t get annoyed.

But they didn’t understand. Not really.

And they never would.

Jemma was, surprisingly, thankful for that. None of them would ever have to live with the pain that Hydra had inflicted, the scars that they left and the blood they coloured hands with.  

None of them would have to live with demons in their minds.

The fear that someone was waiting around the corner.

The panic that the whole world that you knew was a lie, just a delusion to help you cope with what was really happening.

“You don’t have to eat it all.” That’s the words that May had spoken.

Jemma looked down at the bowl in front of her, at her half-eaten lunch. She nodded, and bushed the bowl back. May took it, standing and went to the sink.

“Thank you,” Jemma said. “For making it.”

May just nodded. “It’s okay.”

“You’re being nice to me.”

There was a pause and Jemma could sense what May was doing. She was trying to find the right words to say. “I am.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re a nice person.”

Jemma shook her head. “But I’m not.”

“I never knew you before Hydra. I never knew you during Hydra. I only know you now. And that person there, that Jemma, is who I’m basing my opinion on.”

“But I’ve killed people. People have died because of me.”

“They have. But not because of you. They may have died if you hadn’t been there, they may not. You play one small part in the Universe, everything that happened, it wasn’t your fault. And I know you’re tired of hearing this but it will get easier. It may not seem like it but it will. And Jemma, no one here blames you. And those who do, if they do, then they don’t deserve to know you. Okay?”

Jemma nodded, slowly but surely. Then the tears fell and the walls she had built up over the past number of days came crumbling down and before Jemam knew what was even happening, May had dragged a chair to beside her and wrapped her arms around her.

Jemma allowed herself to collapse into the older woman.

***

A number of hours later, as late afternoon drew to a close, Jemma was wandering around the base. She hadn’t seen Fitz since after lunch, he said he had had to go back to the lab on Coulson’s orders. Jemma couldn’t help but wonder if they were looking for Garrett and Ward who were still missing at this point (although the Government know had their profiles and also had agents looking).

And Bakshi… Bakshi was still in their possession.

Jemma hadn’t found where they were hiding him, and she didn’t want to. She never wanted to see him again, not after all he had put her through, after the living hell he had made her life.

“Jemma,” came a voice. Cheerful.

Hunter. She looked up at him, and apologised for bumping into him.

“It’s okay,” he shrugged and there was something about him, as if he knew something that she didn’t.

“What?” she asked.

He just smirked. “The lab. Fitz has something for you.”

She stared at him, as if he were a puzzle to work out. “Just go,” he prompted and so she went.

“Fitz?” she asked in the lab and found him smiling at a tablet.

Skye was sitting in the corner, looking as though she were about to explode from keeping something secret.

“Hi,” Fitz said, “I found… Me… When I was talking to your parents…” It seemed as though he were unable to find the words. “Just look. It’s probably better anyway.”

She accepted the tablet from him and flicked through the images on it.

“I just thought… only if you wanted.”

She looked up at him. “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter after this, sorry guys again for the wait but I hope you enjoyed this!

**Author's Note:**

> I wanna say thanks for reading this and Marvel owns all. The title is from Dream by Imagine Dragons.


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